“Tell me who you are.” I said to a multi-faith Monk who 
observed silence for several decades, and only resumed 
talking this year. In that moment, she revealed herself to 
me as The Supreme Listener. This experience inspired my 
current contemplation: What is Listening?  
 
Listening brings connection to our world, compassion to our 
hearts and meaning to our existence. It's in the listening 
that people become more alive, clear, and beautiful. 
Listening can be an unburdening, a forgiveness, a 
witnessing, and/or a devotional service. Listening nurtures 
the soul, encouraging it to grow and blossom like the 
unfurling of a flower.  
 
Self Assessment 
* How well do I listen?  
* Am I able to be present for my friends, family, lovers, 
teachers, children, acquaintances, and especially myself? 
* Or are am I mind reading? 
* Rehearsing what I’m going to say? 
* Filtering out what I don’t want to hear? 
* How often do I change the subject? 
* Do I daydream? 
* Give advice? 
* Look for ways of being right? 
* Do I let the words go over my head  
*or just land on the floor? 
 
To Be a Better Listener  
Listening is more than just shutting your mouth when 
another person is speaking. It’s far more rewarding than 
that. Listening is a tremendous gift to any fellow being. 
Humans yearn to be understood. These are basic human 
desires. Spontaneous psychological and spiritual growth 
results from simply being listened to. This is why 
therapists and coaches are becoming such sought-after 
professionals.  
 
Following are some basic tips to help you experience more 
connection. If you find these practices difficult, you may 
need to get you're own needs met first. Consider hiring a 
coach or a therapist to model great listening and teach you 
the gift of how to give it back. True listening requires 
that you relax and set your own reactivity aside. Many 
people have not been listened to, especially throughout 
childhood, so naturally, their suppressed desire to be 
heard gets in the way of their ability to listen. 
 
1. Pay attention. Focus on the content. Ask yourself while 
listening. What feelings, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, desires 
and concepts are being expressed?  
 
2. Don’t interrupt. Inhibit your impulse to immediately 
interrupt, or jump in during a pause. Resist assuming you 
know what someone is about to say. (Even if you’re very 
psychic, it’s better to let someone come to their own 
conclusions than to tell them what they feel.)  
 
3. Open your Mind. Listen as objectively as possible. You 
can be accepting and respectful whether or not you agree 
with what’s being said. Let go of your own agenda and avoid 
emotional involvement. Don’t judge. Deciding something is 
right or wrong only prevents you from really hearing, and 
robs your partner from being understood.  
 
4. Body Language. Experts estimate at least 55% of the 
message is delivered with non-verbal signs. Eye contact is 
important. Face your partner and lean in so they know 
you’re intent on what they’re saying. Use head nodding and  
“ah” sounds only when it’s natural. Be careful not to cross 
your arms across your chest, this gives the message that 
you are not open to receive what’s being shared. Resist 
looking at your watch, or around the room while someone is 
sharing. A relaxed body is the best receiver.  
 
5. Ask for clarification. If you are confused and know you 
do not understand, don’t pretend you do. Either ask your 
partner to say it another way, or use your best guess, 
feeding it back to them. If you are incorrect, the person 
will realize it and will naturally want to correct your 
misunderstanding. 
 
6. Feedback what you’ve heard: To insure accurate 
understand repeat back what you think you heard the person 
say, either with exact words, or by paraphrasing. Try 
saying something like, “So, I hear you saying…” or “What 
I’m hearing is…” This process not only diffuses the most 
difficult situations, but fosters a profound feeling of 
compassion. 
 
7. Show gratitude. Speaking can be vulnerable. Be sure to 
thank you’re partner for what they’ve shared. And thank 
them for just being themselves.  
 
8. Practice. Practice. Practice. Even if you were born with 
the natural ability to listen, I invite you to take every 
possible opportunity to offer yourself to your fellow human 
beings and really hear what is being said. It’s with the 
intention of true connection that the joy of life unfolds. 
Listen to learn more about yourself. Listen as an act of 
loving. Listen for the sheer joy of listening.  
 
Without the listening, there would be no music; no poetry, 
and no prayer.  
 
Enjoy the dance,  
Kamala Devi 
<www.blisscoach.com>